I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
