Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
