Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
