Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
