September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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