They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
