connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
