my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
