I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
