Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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