I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone came in the potted fern
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
