We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
