cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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