the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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