Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
