How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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