Will you blow on my dice?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
