also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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