you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
