Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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