Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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