She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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