ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
