READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
