I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had sex on a roof
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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