In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
