She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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