can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
