i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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