I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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