We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
