Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
