On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
