absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
