You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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