at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
