the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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