Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
