It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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