im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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