I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
