You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
