lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
