You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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