Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
