I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
