I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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