i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
