i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
