I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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