there's paper in my vomit.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
