he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
