its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
