New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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