I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
