Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
