i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize