His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How external is "for external use only"?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
