I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
