i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
