at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i was born a porn star she said
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
